Ysiad

todo::
* 30 minutes on the programming tutorial
* Day one of journaling about Desire/ Craving/ Disappointing
* Do something social – Dinner with friend and their kids. Housesit a friend’s dog.

habits::
* Meditation – Day 694
* Journaling – Day 37
* Yoga – Day 36
* Cold shower – Day 9

reflections:: 12:04am. It’s technically Feb 2nd, but since I haven’t gone to sleep yet, I’m counting this in the spirit of things. I’ve been pretty active doing things associated with fundraising, with the purpose of saving the company. It seems like it was an effective day with things moving forward well. After an intense day of company meetings and thinking the company might run out of cash at the end of the month, it seems like things are fine now and this turned into a day of building trust with the board that I’ll be honest even when the news isn’t good news.

Thinking about Desire, Craving, and being in a mindset of feeling the world is disappointing, I think I get there when I have expectations about how things will turn out. Even when they turn out the way that I want them to, I’m still disappointed, because getting what I want doesn’t actually solve anything or make me happy. It just validates – temporarily – that I’m able to get what I want. And when I don’t get the thing I wanted, it’s oftentimes because I held myself back. But the main insight from this journal post that I didn’t have before is that the cause for disappointment isn’t not getting what we want. The cause for disappointment is wanting something in the first place. Because when you get what you want, you still are disappointed. Getting a mind-blown feeling and need to go to sleep. 12:15am. Happy I still fulfilled my commitments. And really pleasantly surprised that I ran into a VC I knew at my friend’s place. And that he recently raised a fund that could participate in our round.